


The Daily Life

by CheetahLeopard2



Series: Gifts and also what I'm doing instead of working on my others [46]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Psychosis, Schizophrenic Oikawa Tooru, not good writing wise but not bad as in it's pretty lighthearted, this is actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 10:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13925724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheetahLeopard2/pseuds/CheetahLeopard2
Summary: Oikawa Tooru's everyday is a little different as a schizophrenic person, but it's still fine.





	The Daily Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlannaRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlannaRose/gifts).



> Please comment?

 

“Come  _ on, _ Oikawa! You’re crazy good, but it’s not like you’re  _ crazy.” _

Hajime means well, Tooru knows, but it doesn’t change how the words cut deep, deep into his soul. 

It doesn’t change the memories it brings up.

_ (A kick prefaces  _ “ _ You’re crazy!”-) _

It doesn’t change that those words simply  _ aren’t true.  _ It doesn’t mean anything, Tooru knows. He knows that in Hajime’s eyes, he  _ isn’t  _ crazy.

It still hurts.

Because in the eyes of the medical world, and in the face of his own existence, he is crazy. 

He has no choice but to accept that (his ears are  _ ringing ringing  _ and  _ oh there’s a s c r e a m) _ but it doesn’t mean that the truth doesn’t hurt when it’s said like that. Like an insult, like a slur thrown out easily when there’s no one who’ll be offended there.

But Tooru can’t bring himself to reprimand Hajime for his ableist language, not when it seems so much like opening up, admitting a secret.

So instead he pastes on a smile that’s only slightly stiff at the corners, and laughs.

Hajime is just tipsy enough to not notice Tooru’s discomfort, and he turns easily back to Issei to laugh at something he said.

Tooru tries to ignore the twist in his gut.

 

\---

 

April fools day is foolish. At least, that’s the conclusion Tooru comes to March 27th, and resolves to treat it as any other day.

And so he does, and he’s completely forgotten about it by the time he wakes up at 8 am the day of.

About two cups of coffee later, he’s out of bed and dressed and read for his usual jog. He notes the snow falling when he opens the door, despite how late in the year it is and how the blue sky showcases the warm day, and shrugs. Maybe he should talk to his psychiatrist about his dosage… 

Tooru shakes it off and steps out of the house, and a few feet away the snow stops, and Tooru continues. He hasn’t jogged this route since he left for college. It’s a nice feeling, being home for a break.

It’s certainly easier when he doesn’t have to hide his meds from Hajime in the apartment they share.

He takes his time, jogging a bit further than his old path after he realizes it’s not nearly long enough with the training he’s had on the college team.

By the time he gets back, Tooru’s tired and sweaty, and really just wants a shower before he has lunch with his family. 

The steam brings Tooru’s eyes back into focus, and when Tooru steps out and quickly changes into the spare clothes he had brought, he feels warmed up, relaxed, and ready for the day.

The feeling quickly fades when Tooru turns into the hallway and sees a tall, robed figure in a mask blocking his path, horns spiralling into deliberate points. It’s not the weirdest hallucination Tooru’s had, but ever since he started his medication he’s mainly only had auditory ones. Tooru sighs, and takes a moment to eye the figure wearily. It moves, and Tooru knows for sure now that either this is a spirit of some sort come to haunt him for who-knows-what reason or he  _ really _ needs to talk to his psychiatrist. 

“Excuse me,” Tooru says, because hallucination or spirit, Tooru would prefer not to bump into anything potentially behind it if he tries to walk through it.

The…  _ thing _ steps aside, and when Tooru slips past it iit turns to follow him down the stairs to the kitchen, where his mom is already taking a store-bought lasagna out of the oven. (It’s a well-known fact that his mother can’t cook. Not that Tooru isn’t much better, but that’s mainly because any stovetop that isn’t a flat electric one makes him nervous.)

“Please set the table dear.” She greets, “Your brother and nephew will be here soon.” 

“Thanks mom!” Tooru chirps, setting the table, every so often respectfully side-stepping the thing that had followed him. 

It eventually leaves in the middle of lunch, and Tooru is glad, but still absentmindedly concerned about his medication acting up.

\---

 

“Oi-ka-wa!” Takahiro snaps his fingers in front of Tooru’s face, and Tooru’s attention is dragged back to the conversation.

“What are you humming?” Taahiro asks, and something in his voice indicates that this isn’t just the second time he’s asking.

Tooru pauses and takes a moment to listen to the song filtering through the air around them, willing the lyrics to be clearer than distant voices. He recognises the song easily enough and answers, mentally kicking himself for humming along to something that no one else could hear.

 

\---

 

Tooru’s been having a bad day. Mentally, that is. He’s never had the pleasure of silence. He probably never would. He’s accepted this. That doesn’t mean that Tooru likes the noise to be so  _ loud _ . Pots and pans clanging, obnoxious american pop music playing shrilly, and whispers becoming heated, unintelligible shouts had been plaguing him all day. Frankly, Tooru is tired. Tired of living in his mind. It doesn’t help that right now his pulse is spiking, his eyes shifting around to analyze every person in the light rail car as his paranoia gets the better of him, feeding into what he knows is a delusional feeling of someone following him to kill him. Knowing and recognizing this is a different beast from actually getting his mind to stop feeling like the rational thought of  _ This is a delusion _ is a fundamental lie.

Tooru walks as though nothing is wrong, forcing his breathing to be regular, even as his heart jackhammers against his ribs and the world feels as though it’s closing in on him and the cacophony of noise is reaching a fever pitch.

When he finally reaches his and Hajime’s shared apartment, Tooru closes the door and lets the familiar smell of Hajime’s cologne that always lingers around the apartment wash over him, easing some of the tension from his shoulders. 

Then the ringing in his ears reaches a particularly sharp and high note, and Tooru winces.

Tooru heads directly to his room, and quickly locates his bass boosting headphones that had been a gift from his mom soon after he had a major breakdown in middle school.

He slips them on and selects a song from his mp3 player as he tries not to let the day crash in on him, and Tooru realizes he’s only one step away from a breakdown. Of course, that’s when he happens to spot the shirt he had searched up and down for sitting innocently on the back of his desk chair, and with the next blink it’s gone.

And the world comes crashing down. 

It happens in an instant, but there are steps to it. The first thing to go is his heart, beating rapidly as he struggles to pull air into his lungs. Next is his vision, distorted and unfocused before it’s completely covered in white spots not unlike those that occur when lightheaded. Then the blood flowing through his veins morphs into lead, and screams and tortured shouts combine with ringing and music to create a borderline painful sound surrounding him as he becomes hyper aware of everything around him.

The episode lasts almost a full three hours, including the half an hour spent laying in bed staring at the wall as he waits for his heartbeat too return to normal, and when Tooru finally sits up and goes to take a shower it’s nearly time for Hajime to get home.

Once out of the shower, Tooru checks the time and uncovers his meds from where they’re hidden, carefully spliting one and taking one-and-a-half. 

He’s just swallowed some water when he hears the click of Hajime’s key in the lock of the front door and rushes to hide this meds again.

 

His rushing comes back to bite him later. 

 

“Oikawa?” Hajime asks, stepping into Tooru’s bedroom early the next morning, tone instantly putting Tooru on guard with hw closed off it is, “Why do you have abilify in your drawer?”

All that escapes Tooru is a snapped, “For psychosis, Iwa-chan. What did you think?”

“I don’t-”

“I think it’s two am and I’m going to bed.”

“ _ Tooru.”  _ Hajime tries to shake Tooru awake, but it’s to no avail. “Dumbass! You won’t remember this in the morning if you sleep now!”

 

Indeed, in the morning, Tooru has no recollection of Hajime coming into his room. So it’s quite a shock when he walks into the kitchenette to find Hajime sitting at their small table with a familiar bottle of pills in front of him.

Tooru nopes the fuck out of there, and Hajime is out of his seat in a flash, dragging him into the kitchen. 

 

In the end, the conversation isn’t that bad. It only triggers the worst dissociation that Tooru’s experienced in a while. But Hajime ends up kissing him so it’s worth it.

And Tooru no longer has to hide!

**Author's Note:**

> That end,,,, was such a lazy ending I'm sorry


End file.
